I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
