She said her name was "party"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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