My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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