so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
