I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
