I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
