Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
