I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
