Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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