we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
