I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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