Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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