don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
vagina is talking i cant
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
