I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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