Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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