Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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