I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
