Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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