just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We are all done wearing pants today
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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