dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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