honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
