We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
