I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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