I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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