I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need water and some morals
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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