Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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