Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
