How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize