Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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