I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
