"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
