You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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