Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
