I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
