There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize