WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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