forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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