Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
