If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
