Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
