She's JV to your varsity
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
