Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
