Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
