I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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