You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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