Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm passing your future prison.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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