Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
