Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
