I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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