Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
