i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
