I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
