i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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