I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
