She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize