So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he fucked my hip out of place.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
