im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
