then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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