im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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