How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
