i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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