I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
