i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
