but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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