I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
