if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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