Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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