My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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