i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize