this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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