Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize