i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Someone signed my nipple.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
