what day is it and did you see me today?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
