I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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