Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize