Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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